Hello, twenty-five. You look shiny and new and there is something extra jazzy about you. Can't quite put my finger on it, but I just know you bring many happy times ahead.
Looking back on my year as a 24-year old, it got a little dicey here and there. I don't know what it is about my years with the number four in them (should I be preparing for a midlife crisis at 44? Probably!). They seem to be a refining milestone in my life. Kind of like a snake shedding its skin. That's how I imagine it in my mind, anyhow.
Life at 24 was remarkable, don't get me wrong, especially since it was my first year as a mother. I suppose that's why it felt unnerving, questionable, and delightful all in one mangled wrapper. Insecurities surfaced to an uncomfortable level. I went to war with myself for the better half of a year, fighting my way to serenity at the end. It's funny how your biggest enemy is often times your very own self. I guess that whole learning to love who you are mumbo-jumbo and accepting your life for what it is, including past, present and future, really is true.
It was a year of reexamining my honest to goodness beliefs. You know, that stuff you just feel to be true at the core of your heart and the rattling reminder of it in your bones when you try to shrug it off, or when someone important disagrees with you. Feeling like you are letting someone down whom you highly admire is the worst, but feeding yourself untruths is even more toxic. My faith was tested... to say the least. Life as I know it rested on finding the truth for which I desperately searched. I suppose life is a constant search for truth though, right? What is "truth" anyway? People who say they have it all figured out are a bunch of dirty liars, and cannot be trusted (there goes that irony popping its way into my life again).
As much as I like fluffy, frilly things and talking about the color pink, my life isn't always so cheerful and I don't want it to be. That's the silly thing about blogs. While I do believe blogs are a place to promote the lovely and creative aspects of life, I think it's healthy and refreshing to display the parts in disarray every once in awhile. We blogging folk can all try to fool readers into thinking life is perfect based on the projections we display through posts and pictures, but I am here to tell you that I do not have a perfect life, and hereby solemnly swear to promote the truth more often. The last thing I want to do is make someone feel their life is inadequate or not crafty and fulfilled enough because of putting only the best of my existence out there. I know the feeling of social media making one hate the world and all the hip people accompanied with it, so we are going to attempt to meet a happy middle ground of pretty and realistic things here.
Year 24 was a year of forgiveness and soul-searching, and year 25 is going to be one of reinventing, honesty, and reality. So without further ado, I would like to start off this year of truths with admitting that I desperately look forward to Luke's bedtime every night. I am exhausted and need to hear myself think once 7 pm rolls around, and being childless is a wonderful place for me where I selfishly indulge in whatever I please for those few brief, glorious hours. My best friend and I were talking about this very subject, and since we are being skin-baring honest here on this space now, I just can't fathom how some mamas seemingly love and adore their children 24/7 and don't want to throw their kiddos in bed. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am missing some innate mothering portion of my brain that allows me to feel insurmountable affection (but then again, this is also a year of coming to terms with the not so pretty parts of my life that I finally revealed needed some sprucing up) or if I am just admitting what others are afraid to say? Am I the only one that breathes a victorious sigh of relief (I kept a human alive another day!) each night I put my screaming toddler away out of my hair (literally)? It doesn't mean I don't love that little Nugget. I'm over the moon nuts about him, but I am a better mother when I take time for myself. I am a creature of solace, and always have, always will need plentiful amounts of personal space and time.
Well, there is my truth I was afraid to say out loud, but alas, I did it! And I'm still alive! And better for it! What are some things that scare you to talk about? Give me topics and let's hash it out! Let's talk about life, gosh-dagnabbit!
To end my rambling, I'd like to raise my glass to a beautiful 25th year. I am incredibly excited for all the things in store for my life this year, both personally and professionally, and just have a gut feeling this is my year.
I would like to leave you with a fun little birthday film we made of our weekend with my awesome birthday present. Yes, that means I finally joined the world in getting a smartphone, which means I finally have Instagram (since you all were just dying to follow along with more pictures of my life, right? ;) Oh, and it just happens to be a happy coincidence that I got my phone at the same time Vine completely blew up all over the app/blogging world. Needless to say, I would love for you to follow me @alongabbeyroad on both of them!
Thanks again for coming back every day to read about my life and build friendships with me. I sure do love you guys! Happy Monday!